Our Story

RECAP OF THE STORY SO FAR FOR NEW FANS AND OLD

Chapter One: Shoots, Ladders, and Mysteries

In February of 2023, as political fervor rose in Montana over the potential impending drag ban, one cruel and ignorant opportunist made clear her intentions: Bitterroot resident Chastity Wilkes was going to do whatever it took to insure that the ban would happen, and the first target of her agenda was none other than Montana journeywoman and unprofessional wrestling phenom Margaret Murder on her own playing field. But alas… Montana did not have its own professional wrestling federation at this point in time to sanction such a bout. But thankfully, some houses have rooms for everything.

For the enigmatic BB Mysteries opened the doors to his house (conveniently located at the Westside Theater in Missoula, Montana in this particular instance) and invited this spectacle of combat be the main event in what was sure to be a rousing show full of a wide variety of performances including dance and drag numbers, live music, poetry, and a weird thing with a strap-on that we aren’t sure if it’s canon or not.

Many of MDW’s finest got their first whiff of the theater of combat at this show, including Tonya Softing, Ace of Hearts, and a very eager Iris Von Moxxii. While only one match occurred during this show, it is the blossoming of the seed that would become MDW as Margaret Murder handily dispatched Chastity with a slew of weapons, vicious strikes, and for what would only be the first time: a table. A battle was fought and won, but the war was only just beginning. And this war came from multiple fronts.

Chapter Two: Queer West Film Fest (Or: A Ballad of Grit and Glamour)

While Chastity was licking her wounds from the battle, Margaret was invited to talk about her career as a drag wrestler for the monthly queer film series at local community hub for cinema, The Roxy Theater, when Iris Von Moxxii interrupted her with what she would tell you are her “concerns” about Margaret. Iris was there to make it clear that no matter how many bigots she bashed, Margaret’s drag was not at the quality that Iris believes drag artists should be striving for. This of course led to a scuffle between the two and Iris fleeing into the lobby to confront the interviewer from The Roxy. During this confrontation, Iris was blindsided by a bag of leftover popcorn meant to feed local chickens. After a thorough assaulting, Margaret was chased out by Roxy security and Iris hobbled away, having acquired a taste of the pro wrestling way of life.

This brings us to another event pivotal to MDW history: The first Queer West Film Festival at The Roxy to kick off the summer and Missoula Pride week. Other local MDW favorites would perform at this show like Jackie Rosebutch, but the talk of the show would be Iris’ emotional performance being interrupted and sullied by Margaret Murder, declaring a challenge once BB Mystery opened his doors again that September. Iris had all summer to get ready for the fight of her life.

Chapter Three: Let’s… Duet?

BB and his house? Well they work in mysterious ways alright. So mysterious that it’s actually hard to keep the house in one place and September of 2023 would be the last time as of writing that the House of Mysteries has opened its doors at the Westside Theater as of this writing (Housing crisis is very real and Missoula suffers greatly for it!). But because this house is so mysterious, conflict does not resolve in the way you may anticipate. And boy howdy, was there conflict.

Over the summer, dastardly drag monster machine Dita Von Doom had decided to make life hell for notorious do-gooder Jackie Rosebutch and their soft boyfriend Ace of Hearts and that battle must be resolved on this stage. There was also the Iris and Margaret matter that needed settling, but the seed of MDW would germinate here as wretched Chastity has somehow managed to claw her way into the heart of local steak entrepreneur Brick Stakesworth. During their first meeting at a Christian Singles Bible Trivia/Book Burning Republican Fundraiser, greasy handyman for Greg Gianforte and current commissioner of MDW Chuck Harland overheard Chastity bemoan drag wrestling and realized he could find a way to both profit off of the outrage surrounding drag and witness violence enacted onto drag artists by bankrolling a drag wrestling promotion of his own. Thus, MDW was born and Chuck had some ideas.

First, the drag wrestling heavyweight championship would be no more. The Corporate Curtain has decided that it is more important to establish traditional Christian values with a “normal, cisgender, heterosexual family” as collective champions, and the Montana Drag Wrestling Tag Team titles were born, emblazoned with the House of Mysteries in honor of the stage of their conception. The second is that Iris and Margaret was now off the table, and the main event would be a tag team match between the Christian Power Couple, Chastity and Brick, and the winners of the grudge match between Dita Von Doom and a partner of their choosing and Jackie with their Butchguard. This sent Margaret into a frenzy, who came out to confront the CPC only to be driven through a table and nearly put on the shelf for good. Now, the show comes into focus.

And while there was poetry and dancing and group participation, the vibe in the air was tense. Dita swayed one of the Butchguard, Nikki, into their ranks with a choreographed dance number that viewers were calling “sensual” and “provocative” and even ended in a Professional Wrestling Marriage (legally distinct from actual marriage.) Dita continued with the upperhand by mindcontrolling everyone with the MAC-GUFF1N, but via cunning tactics and some theater kid shit, Jackie hung on through the Von Dooms’ onslaught and reunited with their lover Ace. The Von Dooms were then Disqualified for not getting their mind control approved by the government. Jackie and Ace were ready to take on the CPC and then the world.

The CPC were never going to play fair however, and leveraged Dita Von Doom’s desire to see Jackie lose more than to see anyone win by having them provide a weapon and help trick the ref, getting Jackie immediately disqualified. Jackie Rosebutch was so distraught by this that they left Ace and the Butchguard behind and started biking to South America, still unseen by the MDW audiences to this day.

Iris could not stand to see such buffoonery be made of drag, and made it known that she’s there to challenge both of them if she has to. The CPC happily agreed to attack another drag artist and to establish their strength as newly crowned champions, but were unaware that only a desire to see bigotry stamped out and cast from MDW could unite Iris and a shambling Margaret Murder, who comes in to even the odds with Iris and remind Chastity what a good old fashioned ass whoopin’ feels like.

Current Senior Official Sister Midnight would be there to call this and all of MDW’s most important bouts from here on out.

On the road to that ass whoopin’ during the match, Iris and Brick would have a skirmish that would lead Iris to believe she was stamping Brick a one-way ticket to Dick Kick City, only for Brick to clutch his chest and fall to the ground, suffering from a heart attack onstage in front of all of those people. Hard to believe a man who owns the most successful steak businesses in Montana and beyond would have heart problems, but crazier things have happened in the world of wrestling.

Left alone, Chastity would be completely overwhelmed by the combined onslaught of Iris and Margaret. In a moment that underlines how important it is for us to put our differences aside when the pursuit of happiness is at stake, Margaret and Iris hoist their new titles high and look towards a future of finding a way to bring those titles prestige.

Chapter Four: Not-So-Secret Satan

Margaret and Iris would not defend their titles until the Roxy Theater opened its doors to host what would be MDW’s first event as its own entity, and both had differing philosophies heading into the first of hopefully many Christmas shows, Secret Satan.

Iris spent her Autumn working hard and improving her craft in drag, starting a shift away from her traditional roots. She also did an interview for Out at the Roxy and it actually completed with no interruptions or violence (a first for MDW alumni being interviewed for Out at the Roxy) where she lamented the lack of communication between her and Margaret.

Margaret was seemingly off the radar for most of this time and is notoriously low-tech. There is a very good chance that, unless someone prints this history for her, Margaret will never read it or even be privy to its existence. It’s honestly amazing that she gets booked at all, not for lack of talent but because of how much the process for working shows has modernized. Perhaps she just feels the wrestling in her bones and arrives before her music hits.

But regardless as to how they spent their Autumn, they had titles to defend. With Dita and Nikki officially betrothed, they want to secure the knot they tied with the MDW Tag Championships. This actually puts Iris in a complicated position, as outside of Drag Wrestling, Iris and Dita are in a drag collective with two other MDW Superstars that would be making their performance debuts on this evening, Stella Kinesis and Eunice Sexx, called The Bounce Haus. Iris, specifically not friends with Margaret Murder and close friends with Dita Von Doom, was very conflicted, but ultimately put MDW above her biases and successfully defended the titles with Margaret. A rare moment of unity before a recurring pest ruined it.

Throughout that night, Chastity Wilkes had been tormenting and disrupting performances, most notably choking out Ace of Hearts during his uplifting and fun dance number and proving to anyone that those are qualities that Chastity could not allow on a show she was seeing. With all of the torment she was inflicting, it was quite obvious to see that she was experiencing some of her own with what was believed to be the passing of her husband Brick.

However, Chastity would be thwarted in her attempt to ruin the ending of the show by a powerful ethereal entity that, instead of being the Ghost of Christmas Past/Present/Future, was actually just Brick under a sheet. While Chastity was ready to rejoice, Brick had other plans, and made clear that he and Chastity had more than a score to settle. He reveals to Chastity that he has actually been a woman this whole time, and that he wants Chastity to purge the evil from her heart and live happily ever after together in harmony.

Notably, Secret Satan also saw the arrival of commentators Falcon Heavy and Wormwood. Originally, Wormwood was invited onto the show to be the Musical Guest. Performance guests are something that MDW has maintained as a holdover from the House of Mysteries shows, as MDW Top Brass believe it is important for more performance culture to be included at the shows in hopes of one day converting everything into professional wrestling. Falcon Heavy was originally tapped to be the emcee of the show, but their natural chemistry and knowledge of wrestling has helped lend a voice of understanding and education to what was originally just pure violence. Secret Satan is truly a landmark in the history of MDW, but soon we would arrive at its Mecca.

Chapter Five: Royale With Cheese

We arrive in 2024 and MDW’s largest marquis event occurs at its new home under the roof of the Zootown Arts Community Center. A packed house buzzing with anticipation is here to see the Wig Snatching Rumble Royale, MDW’s Flagship event, and they are about to learn the true meaning of “Card is subject to change.”

In what at the time was considered a confusing move, Iris eagerly accepted a tag title rematch against the Von Dooms for the show instead of allowing any other fresh tag teams to rise up the ranks. Margaret, confused and frustrated, figured “a fight is a fight, we can easily win this again.”

The opening introductions have been done by Falcon Heavy and Wormwood, the Von Dooms strut out, Margaret brings the fire, but Iris is nowhere to be seen. MDW Commissioner Chuck Harland demands that the match continue, and Margaret brings forth a valiant effort but is ultimately outnumbered and outfoxed by the combined chicanery of the Von Dooms. For the first time since the evening of their inauguration, the Tag Team championships* belong to a different team. (*Only one title was present during this match.)

This night also saw the realization of a brand new title, the Lip-Sync Werkhorse Championship, claimed and defended in Lip Sync Smackdowns critiqued by a panel of judges who are always fair, balanced, and people who very much understand the intricacies of drag. The inauguration of this title was a bout between Stella Kinesis and a young upstart named Angel Fire, who happens to be the drag daughter of Iris.

The judges saw fit that Stella be the first to hoist this championship, and though she was devastated, Angel Fire looked forward to potential opportunities to establish herself in MDW. Perhaps even very soon, in a spectacle beyond the wildest dreams of Vince McMahon and Rupaul combined.

Chapter Five and a Half: The Greatest Spectacle in the History of our Sport

Okay so this will be less of a chapter and more of a run through of everything that happened in the Wig Snatching Rumble Royale.

  • We start with Sister Midnight entering the stage with the $10000 Check from the “Greg ‘The Hammer’ Gianforte School of Professional Wrestling,” the prize our competitors believe they are competing for this evening, as well as her new lackey and Junior Official, Kliff Stickler.
  • Entering first is none other than Margaret Murder after her declaration of entry stemming from her earlier loss of the tag team titles. Her entrance is interrupted for what seems like the billionth time by now by some angry Bitterrooter who somehow weaseled his way into the show without giving off the vibe that he would be a total asshole. Margaret deposits her mysterious backpack on the corner of the ring and makes quick work of the angry fellow from the county south.
  • Next to the ring is Margaret’s first opponent of the evening, Nikki Von Doom, brandishing his new Tag Team Title belt! Like Deja Vu, these two meet eyes and the bell rings.
  • Margaret immediately dives into her bag of tricks and pulls out a staplegun, insuring that her wig is only coming off with bloodshed. Nikki, a bit too disturbed by this, is overwhelmed by the Margaret attack right before the next entrant makes their way down.
  • ENTRANT 3: The Angry Bitterrooter! Continuing his protest and loudmouthing, TAB gets into the ring only to be immediately pinballed by the bigot loathing pair of Margaret and Nikki. Quickly after, Nikki locks up TAB and Margaret rips off his hat and throws it to the crowd. THE ANGRY BITTERROOTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.
  • Margaret immediately turns on Nikki and lays the boots to him before
  • ENTRANT 4: Leanne Danger! Leanne mostly just wants to play a song on her sweet Ukulele, but rancid cunt Chastity Wilkes takes it and smashes it, sending Leanne into a fury! Leanne unleashes a series of Roundhouse kicks on Margaret Murder and Nikki Von Doom, more focused on inflicting violence than winning anything when…
  • ENTRANT 5: Diana Bourgeois! Local drag legend and mother to many in Missoula drag Diana Bourgeois comes out with her assistant, The Professor, and gives a speech that basically equates to “I am not going to be letting any of you touch my fucking wig,” Pulls a wig out of her purse, and DIANA BOURGEOIS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.
  • ENTRANT 6: Dita Von Doom! Things were looking grim for Nikki before their spouse arrives, allowing them to outnumber Leanne and get a quick wig snatch. LEANNE DANGER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.
  • ENTRANT 7: BB Mysteries! In an event almost tailor made for his return, BB Mysteries simply cannot contain his excitement to be back with the Montana Drag Wrestling crew no matter what side they are on. He gets Margaret into a big hug, followed by an embrace to Nikki, before really wrapping Dita up in a hug for the ages. Margaret, with her veteran ring savvy and understanding of BB Mysteries’ hug power, takes advantage of this time and hurls Nikki to the ground, ripping their wig off. NIKKI VON DOOM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED.
  • Dita is apoplectic, the crowd chants “This is Awesome!” as they contemplate the elimination of their spouse. It dawns on them that they are in the ring with Margaret Murder, and she is pissed. Dita cowers to the outside of the ring before
  • ENTRANT 8: Luchadora Ora! A gold masked Luchadora enters the ring and immediately takes the boots to a grounded BB Mysteries. Margaret tries her hardest to work the mohawk off of Dita but Dita has it on there very securely. Both brawling parties eventually collide when the music hits for…
  • ENTRANT 9: Tonya Softing! One of MDW’s musical guests makes her way into the Drag Wrestling world and declares her fervor by heading straight at Margaret Murder! They give each other a sign of respect before Tonya immediately launches a vicious attack the nipples. Margaret, clearly familiar with intense nipple play, is unfazed by the attack but admires the voracity in which it was delivered. They start to brawl to the outside and eventually out of the building!
  • Luchadora Ora begins to make quick work of BB Mysteries and Dita kind of participates in the way you would if you wanted to do the minimal effort for maximum grade on the group project. Ora brings the heat to BB Mysteries and pulls him to the center of the ring when MDW’s Ten arrives.
  • ENTRANT 10: Ace of Hearts! Recently Single and ready to Wringle, Ace of Hearts flies in like a glittery superhero to stave off Ora’s offense and wrap BB Mysteries in one of very few hugs that could rival his own. Finally, it feels like hope is in the air!
  • ENTRANT 11: Aidden Bedding! Fellow drag royalty Aidden Bedding decides to see what the kids are up to these days and struts on down to the ring. Ora sizes him up before the Kings all unleash on Ora! They wrap her up and BB Mysteries rips off her mask. LUCHADORA ORA IS ELIMINATED
  • The Kings celebrate together before Dita, ever the opportunist, captitalizes on Aidden being a short king by yoinking off his fedora and holding it too high for him to retrieve it before tossing it off into the crowd. AIDDEN BEDDING IS ELIMINATED.
  • ENTRANT 12: Eunice Sexx! Unbeknownst to the crowd, this show took place on their actual birthday! They were sung to by the performers in the ring followed by everyone in the building before they gave the people what they wanted. BB Mysteries embraced Eunice in a big ol’ hug (as is tradition). Eunice is there to win though and knocks BB Mysteries’ hat off his head and Dita kicks it into the crowd! BB MYSTERIES HAS BEEN ELIMINATED
  • Margaret and Tonya burst back onto the stage, Tonya struggling to keep her wig on. Margaret takes a peek into the ring and gives Tonya the offer of a lifetime “Let’s team up and beat all these other assholes.” However a tentative Ace of Hearts, fresh off of losing his teammate, sneakily pulls the wig off of Tonya Softing! TONYA SOFTING HAS BEEN ELIMINATED
  • Margaret makes a beeline for Dita! Eunice is not necessarily combat oriented and opts to clear out. Margaret chokes out Dita with the Mohawk hat before ripping it off. DITA VON DOOM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED
  • ENTRANT 13: Stella Kinesis! Eunice is not alone for long though as Hausmate and newly crowned champion Stella struts to the ring like she owns the place. Eunice is happy to see her, but Stella has her eyes on the prize and rips off Eunice’s wig! EUNICE SEXX IS ELIMINATED
  • ENTRANT 14: Angel Fire! Like a bat out of hell, Angel immediately begins cat fighting with Stella! Slaps back and forth as they grapple and spin each other around. Angel falls to the ground and Stella gloats, missing Angel pounce back up and grab onto her wig! Stella returns the favor and in the scuffle, both retrieve each others wigs! STELLA KINESIS AND ANGEL FIRE HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED
  • ENTRANT 15: Luchadora Plata! As Ace of Hearts does a Dark Souls roll to try and escape the clutches of Margaret Murder, echoes of “¡olé!” ring through the building as a silver masked wrestler makes their way to the ring! Plata wants to make a name for themself like many before them and charges straight at Margaret Murder! Margaret is simply too powerful to take down and hits Plata with flurry of double axehandles. Plata struggles with their mask and Ace takes the opportunity to get involved and all three skirmish when the next music hits:
  • ENTRANT 16: Kliff Stickler…? No! That’s not Kliff Stickler! Kliff sheds his referee garb revealing a tasteful crop top skirt combo while pulling out a wig, unleashing KT WRATH! The crowd is unglued, never could the have expected that the Junior Referee could grow into something so pure right before their eyes.
  • But Senior Official Sister Midnight is incensed! “This is unbecoming of a MDW Official!” Sister Midnight takes matters into her own hands and rips the wig off. Kliff Stickler is eliminated!
  • And now, just as we all predicted, we are left with the Margaret Murder and the now One Man Boy Band Ace of Hearts onstage. Margaret gets her hands on Ace and wraps him in a bear hug! Shakes him back and forth and drops him to the ground, his hat falling off! ACE OF HEARTS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED
  • OUR 20th AND FINAL ENTRANT*: Margaret paces around the room, waiting for the barrier between her and financial security. The countdown hits, the music begins, and it is… Iris Von Moxxii entering from the back of the house! Carrying what used to be her Tag Team Championship, she passes it on to Dita Von Doom and steps into the ring, ready to finally get her hands on Margaret one on one! But, the air shifts, as Chuck Harland enters the stage and officially declares the end of the greatest spectacle of our sport.

For MDW officials have decided to come clear: there was never $10000 to give away, the government can’t even pay the teachers! Chuck writes a big fat VOID on the check, causing great displeasure among the crowd. Chuck does his best to rectify that by announcing that this match is now a Last Queen Standing match, and the winner will take home the Montana Drag Wrestling Championship!

Sister Midnight declares the bell and Margaret grabs weapons but is clearly exhausted from so much wrestling in the night. Iris reverses the charge and gets a hit in, but Margaret has fight left! She takes Iris to the ground, but as Iris gets up she goes for Margaret’s ailing knee. Iris gets a couple of strikes on Margaret before going after that hurting leg! Margaret reverses the momentum and kicks Iris off of her, sending her towards the back of the stage.

Margaret grabs her trusty golf club and goes bananas, getting a few blows on Iris before Iris goes back after that knee. Margaret is running on fumes now and Iris can smell blood in the water as she gets her hands on the Golf Club. Shouting at Margaret “It was always going to come down to this!” as she continues to brutalize her. The crowd cheers for Margaret and Iris is rattled, chirping back. This gives Margaret the momentum and she strikes Iris before ripping her own wig off and choking Iris out with it! No eliminations there! Margaret waits on the count out, figuring Iris is toast.

But Iris yells for help, and she gets it! The Von Dooms, Stella Kinesis, and Eunice Sexx all flood the stage, overwhelming Margaret and helping Iris up. Eunice presents Iris with her now preferred tool of destruction: The Brass Knuckles. Dita and Nikki hold Margaret in place near the announcers table and vows to smite Margaret, landing what should be a devastating blow…

… Yet Margaret is defiant! She stands and yells at Iris one last time before Iris hits the second blow, sending Margaret through the table. The crowd becomes unglued, booing so loudly that you can barely hear Sister Midnight count the 10 as Iris and friends come out and all stack on top of Margaret, preventing her from answering the call. Margaret is sent packing, and Iris begins her reign as Montana Drag Wrestling Champion.

Margaret is carried out of the ring by the staff and Iris and company follow her, mocking her all the way. The crowd gets a cool off performance from a beaten yet hopeful Tonya Softing, cushioning themselves before what was sure to be a battle for the ages.

While one chapter in MDW was beginning, another must start to close. For there were marital disputes to be had. The lights drew dark and the main event was announced: Chastity Wilkes vs Brick Stakesworth in a Divorce Papers match, the winner of which will get everything in the divorce! God bless the American Marital Law system.

The guitar begins to serenade the crowd, signaling the arrival of other MDW favorite Brick Stakesworth! On a steel horse he rides, he makes his way to the ring and turns to his adoring fans while shouting his catch phrase: “WHO’S YOUR STEAK COWB-!”

Brick is interrupted by dastardly Chastity with the not-so-Wild Turkey sign. Brick is down and the bell rings! Chastity opens with Vicious Mockery: “You think you’re a wrestler? You’re not even a real cowboy!” before engaging in a professional wrestling classic: the test of strength. Brick attempts this earnestly which Chastity would prove to be a mistake by going for the eyepoke, stunning Brick. Chastity gloats and gives Brick a slap in the face, Brick sheds his jacket and starts to get the upper hand.

Some tussling occurs and Chastity decides it’s to take Brick to Dick Kick City except… Brick is dickless! Chastity is bewildered and opts to just leave the stage, still perturbed that the first orgasm she ever had was not from a cisgender man (a reality for many women, cis or otherwise.) Brick heads out and brings her back. Chastity is dazed and grapples onto Brick, taking him down. Chastity brings out Chuck and has him hand the papers over. Brick breaks out the BBQ sauce and hulks up before spitting it all over Chastity like some sort of sweet, smoky mist!

Brick wrestles the papers out of Chastity’s hands before stapling them to her tits! Chastity can barely contain herself, and Brick blasts her to the ground, finishing his cheer to the audience: “WHO’S YOUR STEAK COWBOY?”

Chastity seeks help from Sister Midnight, only to knock her out! Brick, not noticing the lack of official, gets Chastity in the deadly Gravy Stretch! Chastity is quick to tap, knowing she could not last long in the lock, and Brick thinks he’s won. Unfortunately, the official was not able to see the tap out, and Brick tries to get her to snap out of it. Chastity sneaks up on Brick and snags a side headlock, choking him out to the ground and leaving him unconscious. Chastity gloats in the ring, covered in blood, and celebrates her victory with a prayer.

The lights go out, and new music starts. When they come back up, Iris and crew are standing behind Chastity and they mob her! All five of them beat her down, and Brick rises to greet the crew who helped him out, extending a hand of friendship. Iris takes that hand and whips Brick into the crew, calling on them to beat him down too.

Nikki is hesitant, recognizing that Brick has repented and not done the wrong here. Surely he is not a bigot that needs to be taught a lesson like Chastity. But Iris couldn’t care less, gets in Nikki’s face and screams at him to follow orders. As champion, she is establishing the pecking order. Iris takes the microphone and stands tall, declaring the Bounce Haus as the dominant faction of MDW and ushers in their collective reign of dominance.

Chapter Six: Once More, Without Feeling

Spring comes and goes. The Bounce Haus basks in the glory of their reign before their next show: Queer West Film Festival is back and this time they are going whole hog on wrestling. They want a taste of the next main event in MDW: Iris Von Moxxii defends her title against MDW’s reigning Bigot Supreme, Chastity Wilkes. A battle of villainy to see which is the greater evil. But that’s just the main event!

To open the show, the Von Dooms defend their titles against the Good Bad Boys, BB Mysteries and Ace of Hearts. Having been reunited at the Rumble Royale, they felt like maybe it was time to make their mark on the Drag Wrestling world and get their hands on some leather. Especially since the tag titles have BB’s house on them.

Their combined Good Badness was not enough to overcome the Von Dooms Bad Badness, though, and after their lovely little entrance they were thoroughly dispatched. BB was distraught, but Ace always felt that the tag titles should go to him and his partner… though which partner, he is still unsure.

Iris comes out to congratulate the tag champions, only to be interrupted by a furious Margaret, wondering why it’s not her challenging Iris for that title tonight. Iris rebuts by saying Margaret had her shot at the Rumble Royale and she lost fair and square per the rules of the match, and she’s at the back of the line. Iris also reminds Margaret that she’s outnumbered, and when Margaret tries to bring up her new friend Tonya Softing, Iris pulls up footage of a knocked out and battered Tonya! Shaken but not stirred, Margaret is then told by Iris that she does in fact have a match tonight against a face familiar to her.

The ground quakes as Margaret’s old territorial nemesis DanSwella makes their way to the ring. Backed by ol’ carnie legend and smooth talkin’ manager Pauleigh HeyyyMannn, a hush falls to the crowd. Margaret has had epic battles with DanSwella before, and this crowd would bear witness to another as the two titans battered each other and tested the foundations of the Roxy Theater’s construction. Margaret prevails, however, and the old rivals shake hands and bask in the history they’ve made together.

Chuck Harland does not allow this joy to last however, and tells Margaret that due to past destruction of the Roxy theater, she must remain handcuffed to the seats for the rest of the show, lest she causes any more mayhem.

Stella Kinesis then presented her title for an open challenge, beckoning anyone from the back to come out. MDW Moneybags himself and Intrepid Manager Pauleigh HeyyyMannn, accompanied by hot young performer Byrd Brayn! Pauleigh declares Byrd the challenger, and while he puts up a good fight, The Von Dooms head out there to even the score and knock out Byrdie and Pauleigh. Because the Lip Sync Title is new to the Pro Wrestling world there have actually been no rules to define what disqualifies someone. So due to technicality, Stella retains her title!

Falcon Heavy then invites Angel Fire onstage to discuss her future in MDW. Angel is understandably very disappointed about her loss to Stella, and feels as though she’s disappointed her drag mother, Iris. She vows to start getting more into the wrestling aspect of things when Leanne Danger comes out! Leanne says she’s sick of Angel’s twee little bullshit, and vows to make her life miserable in MDW. This will eventually culminate in the two of them having a #1 Contender’s match at Mysterious Melee, but it started at the beginning of the summer.

A musical act starts to set up to cool people off before the main event and Sister Midnight pulls Kliff aside and puts him in charge as she has to go calibrate her riding crop. Kliff kind of putzes about when he eventually reveals that he is a part of the musical act! During their performance, the Angry Bitterrooter comes out to try and protest, but Kliff does a Super Saiyan transformation into KT Wrath and banishes that bastard. After the crowd is sufficiently serenaded, the main event begins.

Chastity uses her time in the main event to advocate for her favorite republicans, God and Donald Trump. The entrance is terse. The crowd may be upset with Iris, but they hate Chastity.

Iris makes her way to the ring, an empty look in her eyes. Iris and Chastity are about to embark on an I Quit match, and Iris knows the depths she will have to go in order to keep her mouth shut. The bell rings, and a less than traditional tussle begins. Iris and Chastity are both more known for their tricky tactics in the ring and each try to get one over on another, but eventually the hatred settles in and the blows start flying.

As Iris and Chastity battle, eventually they make their way out the back of the Roxy. MDW’s live action camera crew follow them out and record them as they battle through the alleyway, the bathroom, the candy counter, NOT the upstairs at the behest of the Roxy staff, and through a tearjerking performance by Saoirse Ronan in “Ladybird” before they eventually make their way back to the theater the show is in. Iris has Chastity where she wants her when she calls in the Von Doom Cavalry.

Chastity is absolutely overwhelmed by the completely legal onslaught. Perhaps the single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. She’s choked out and battered but absolutely refuses to quit. It’s only when Iris pulls out the gas can that she planted under the ring that Chastity realizes the lengths that Iris will go to to retain her title. Fearing for her life, Chastity quits.

But for Iris it is not enough. She starts to pour the gas all over Chastity, only being stopped by a pleading Nikki Von Doom. Enraged, Iris uncorks on Nikki and fails to notice Margaret Murder burst from the chair and break loose from her handcuffs! Margaret steps in to help and Iris immediately books it. Von Dooms, still outnumbering her, are then ambushed by old rival DanSwella! Madness escapes the ring, and the only one left is a battered Chastity Wilkes, having lost everything.

Until those sweet guitar strings caress the eardrums of everybody in the building and none other than Brick Stakesworth makes his way to the ring. He forgives Chastity, and asks her to forgive herself. To go hand in hand to a new life in Portland as open lesbians together. Chastity gives in and embraces him, and the beauty is not lost on anyone. This chapter of MDW closes and Chastity and Brick ride off into the sunset, surely never to be heard from again.